Facing My Biggest Fear

Forever Evolving

Ever feel like you’re not good enough?

I have, with most of my endeavors in life. Especially in the past couple of months. The reason I haven’t written my feelings down in a long while is because I have been drowning in several of them. My heart and soul has been a melting pot of emotions, and although I usually am, it is even more heightened lately because… I just started a new job.

Sounds exciting, right? Only, I wasn’t supposed to get the job.  They were supposed to take a look at my writing samples, old and outdated video reels, and immediately realize that I would have no idea what I was doing and move on to the next, more impressive applicant. At least, this is what I was absolutely sure of. So, after my interview, I started looking for other opportunities. I was just so sure…. Until I received their email… and they offered me the job.

Talk about negative self-talk.

My confidence in the inevitable rejection for this position was a result of my FEAR.

FEAR that I wasn’t good enough.

FEAR that I didn’t know what I was doing.

FEAR that everyone else thought the same way.

So, blindly I went into the office everyday, with uncertainty about what is lurking around each corner and sweating through every blouse I wore. And to my surprise, I was accepted. All of my capabilities, inabilities, and potential. The process of being ‘thrown into the wolves’ has been both a terrifying and gratifying experience. I am forced to verbally say things like, “I don’t know how to do that,” and, “I need help.”

Yikes! How vulnerable you become at that moment. How absolutely nerve-wracking to be face to face with your fear…

FEAR will make you say things to yourself that you would never say to someone you love. It is contagious and will eventually seep into other parts of your life if you allow it. For years, I was plagued with my fear of feeling inadequate and unintelligent.

Little did I know how worthy I was of this opportunity.

I’m so grateful for this experience of being face to face with my fear and not being able to shy away and hide from it. It is allowing me to confront and overcome. It is allowing me to grow, to learn, and more importantly, to prove myself wrong.

Fear is part of our evolution.

What are your thoughts? What are you afraid of? How has fear played a part in your journey?

With Light,


2 thoughts on “Facing My Biggest Fear

  1. Jus Me says:

    Hiii nice to see you have posted again. The break, I know was well needed.

    In my younger years, not that I’m old but I had a lot of fears. The biggest one was a fear of not fitting in with people, mainly my family. I was good with my friends but I never felt like I fit in with my family. I tried and tried to act like them, talk like them, think like them just to fit in but nothing worked. I don’t ever remember having conversations with them or hanging out with my sisters, brothers or cousins. They all hung around and talked to each other. I guess that’s why I stayed in the streets. I was so tired, drained and frustrated of this fear and the fact I was trying so hard to fit in, I started having that I don’t give a f_ck attitude. After all theses years I realized that I have to be happy, content and Love myself. So now my only fear is heights and water. Oh and STINK BUGS. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • peaceloveeffey says:

      Hi Jus Me! Thank you for understanding my absence and connecting with me 🙂 I completely understand what you mean. In the presence of FEAR we learn so much. We learn what we like and don’t like. We learn who we are. And it sounds like your FEAR of not fitting in was teaching you that you were meant for a different way of life from your family’s. I’m proud of you and hope that you have been happier in finding your own path and being true to yourself.
      I encourage you to reflect on this experience often. And reflect on other fears you may be facing as well. You’re learning about yourself.
      Thank you again! ❤


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s